Imagine that you recently started a role as a new manager. After a few months on the job, one of your direct reports stops by for a chat. You’re not sure what he needs at first but as the conversation progresses you quickly realize that this is about a personal issue. He shares that he’s the primary caretaker of his elderly parents, he finds the responsibility overwhelming, and he’s saddened to see their health deteriorate. He wishes he knew how to manage the situation better and how to be more present in their lives. “Do you have any advice for me?” he asks, visibly upset.
The Costs of Being a Caring Manager
Leaders help with personal problems on a regular basis at work. In fact, some studies have suggested that leaders in certain industries spend as much as 2.5 hours each week responding to such requests from people they manage. These issues run the gamut from problems with marriages to mental health to child care. A longitudinal study found that leaders’ negative mood increased on days when they helped followers with personal problems and that personal helping was particularly detrimental to leaders’ mood on days when they were busy helping followers with work-related issues. Helping with personal issues is an additional, and often unanticipated, demand on leaders’ time, and this can be particularly frustrating on busy days. The negative effect was mitigated for seasoned managers. Managers can certainly help their direct reports with personal issues — and direct reports can certainly ask — but everyone should be aware of the potential impact.